Trying to Convince

“I just don’t understand why you keep antagonising yourself!” I screamed. I was so frustrated. She keeps on claiming that she is an antagonist in the lives of people she meets. When in truth…it is quite the opposite.

But she will soon be the antagonist if she does not fucking stop degrading herself as one!

“I think antagonists are cool.” She replied calmly. Can she not feel my rage seeping through my skin?!

“So you are antagonising yourself because you want to be cool?!!?” I said. I was trying my best not to reach into her brain and pull out those nasty thoughts from it.

“You do know I just said that statement about antagonist being cool randomly right?” She stated simply, walking towards a chair in the middle of the room and sat down. “And I’m not antagonising myself, as I’ve told you so many times. I’m just simply stating a fact about myself.” She shrugged.

Why. Please explain to me why you don’t see it. Why do you blind yourself from the truth. The truth stating that you are a good person.

“What you are saying is nothing more than a lie that you tell yourself for god knows what reasons you have.” I said. I walked over to where she was sitting and sat on the floor in front of her. “You are not an egocentric person. You are not an unfriendly person. And most definitely you are not a bad person.”

“Why do you speak with such certainty? You don’t know me that well yet you know.”

“I know you enough to say that statement with certainty.”

She heaved a heavy sigh. “Thats what you say most of the time to convince me. The question is, how do you know if something is enough?”

I looked at her in the eyes and personally it was hard to. I always had a hard time looking at her in the eyes. Before, whenever I can’t look into those mesmerising eyes without saying every thought that is crossing my mind at that exact moment.

But I’ve learned to hold myself back. I needed to learn.

“You’ll know when its enough when you’ve felt the lacking part already.” I told her calmly. I would have reached out to take her hand and put it between mine but…I know she wouldn’t want me to.

There was a long silence of us just staring at each other. It wasn’t awkward for some reason. I guess we were just waiting.

“I’m not changing my mind. If thats what you are trying to say telepathically.” I said, cracking a smile. 

“Well…it was worth a shot.” She said, smiling a little bit as well. The air around us shifted and it wasn’t so tense anymore.

“You do know I’m not going to give up trying to convince you that you are a good person…right?” I said, shifting to a kneeling position so I could playfully punch her shoulder.

“Yeah. I know.” She said.

She smiled a challenging smile at me.

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