How to shut the noise out

It is the silence that breaks the noise of the room.

It was far too noisy for her liking. She wanted it to be quiet. She wanted everything to just shut up. She’s tried almost everything to shut the noise out. She tried telling them calmly to shut it, she tried shaking them to show them her frustration, she damn near almost punched one of them to just shut them up. She tried almost everything to shut the noise out.

Almost.

She now looks at the various instruments that can help her shut the noise out once and for all. All the hurtful words, the painful scenes, all of it. She can shut it out. And she is about to do it, she is. But she is just waiting for the right time. She still had to say goodbye to those people who aren’t part of the noise right? But she had to do it discreetly. Saying “I love you” and hugging them randomly. That is the best way to say goodbye discreetly.

And now she is here once more, staring at the various instruments that will shut it all out. Shut out the noise. The voices and images that she knows full well she can never escape from.

She will go to sleep tonight. Noise free.

 

Hush

Just keep on smiling.

Don’t let others see the storm ranging inside.

Don’t let them know of the war in your mind.

Don’t let them know of the darkness engulfing your heart.

 

Hush. Just smile.

Just laugh.

Just run.

Just pretend.

 

Hush

~

This pain is well deserved on my part.

It is better for her to leave me.

And never come back, not even to glance.

It’s better for her to leave me broken.

 

She’ll go on. I’ll stay.

Maybe move on some other day.

I’ll follow her as she leaves

And angrily beat myself up as I see her tears.

 

I caused that. After I promised I won’t cause her pain. I fucking caused that.

Yep. It is better if she leaves me.

She deserves so much more.

Than little fucked up me.

Broken Trust

Trust is such a fragile thing. It is rare. When I tell you things that reside deep in me. It means I trust you. And as I said, trust is a fragile and rare thing.

I admit I trust people easily. But that does not give you the right to twist my trust around until it breaks into a million tiny pieces. Thanks to you, now I’m more broken than before.

 

You were one of my best friends. What happened. I thought you cared for me. Loved me even. But apparently not. You just had to blurt it out. I don’t care if it was indirectly told to the person involved. You still said it to her. You even said the wrong thing!

What is worse is that I am not mad. No. Don’t confuse this rant as an act of anger. I’m not mad. I’m…hurt. Broken. I can’t be mad at you. And thats frustrating, I want to be. Because it is better than the pain of brokeness that I’m feeling. But no. I can’t get mad at friends because they — YOU — are my family. And…I just can’t.

And now I know you don’t know. And for some reason I’d like to keep it that way. That you don’t know that I know. From now on, you’ll just know me as the friend who just…kept her distance for some unknown reason.

 

I love you my friend. I always will. But from now on. I don’t trust you.

letting go

I’m letting them go. One by one, I’m cutting off their chains.

Like birds in cages, I’ll unlock and watch them fly. Each one soaring higher and higher…not looking back.

And they shouldn’t.

 

I’m letting go each one. Each person I love. Each memory.

I’m setting them free.