I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. To tell you this.
I mean…you have the right to know this fact about me.
But I’m just scared that you might just look at me differently if I falter a bit.
Or you might treat me differently.
I just hope you will keep your word that I am your friend, and nothing I say can dissuade that thought.
Its getting harder and harder each day not to break down. Not to cry.
Its getting harder each day to pretend everything is okay.
Its very tiring. An hour in school, and I’m already ready to collapse.
I just…I want to keep up the happy facade. I really do. But I’m tired.
Its night time. And he was lying on his bed, begging for sleep to come. But it never did. So naturally, he was left lying on his bed, alone with his thoughts.
No one should be alone with their thoughts. Especially not people like him. For it is proven to be dangerous. A lot of things can be running in a person’s mind, and when if that specific thought is caught and contemplated upon, well…things happen that will never been undone.
So there he is, opening up that specific thought. Searching through it, around it. He made his contemplation thorough. He did not leave any sub thought unturned.
Well…of course realization strikes him.
Tears started falling silently as his realization expanded. He didn’t even try wiping them away. He let them fall. For he felt defeated and tired and devastated.
He realized…that he was slowly, but surely, starting to lose his will.
Its crumbling. It toppling over. All the walls, all that…defense around him. And he starts shaking,
Now he understands why sharp object and loud shots of something exploding appeal to him. Draw him in.
He is losing his will to live, and frankly, he’s letting himself lose it.
“Why am I not dead yet? I want to be dead already.” She always screamed at herself. Everytime she wakes up with a pounding headache and upset stomach from drinking too much of those pills. Everytime her wrist throbs or is numb, she screams that in her head.
She knows why she’s held back. But she doesn’t want to admit it. Because she does want to go. To leave. But…she can’t you see. She’s being selfish. She doesn’t want to leave her family. No. Not her blood family. They do not mean anything to her. By family, she means friends. She loves them more than anything imaginable.
She can’t leave them. She knows they’ll be better off. But…she just can’t. And it’s frustrating to her.
Love holds you back. And it sucks.
((Sorry for all the dark posts. Reading this story and it just gives me inspiration. A break anyway for all the love themed post anyway. haha))
Vision is a blur
Either by tears or by thoughts.
Lungs won’t accept warm air
It only accepts the sharp, cold shards of it.
Heart is pounding way too fast
Arms and legs are numb with lack.
Tear stained cheeks are what she has.
And of course, blood soaked hands.