Entry #18

I promise I won’t do it again.

I promise I’ll stop

I promise I’ll stay here.

I promise to survive.

I’m tired of keeping all these promises.

I’m coming to the point where I’ll break each one of them.

One by one.

I’m so sorry I’m not strong enough to keep them.

Let me

You see this is how I feel.

I’m seeing you below me, at the bottom of a deep, damp well.

You aren’t looking at me,

You are just sitting there, hugging your legs and your head between your knees.

You don’t say a word but i can hear the soft echoes as it bounces up the walls to my ears.

You’re crying.

I try to scream your name, I want to say,

“Don’t you worry, I’m going to help you. You don’t have to cry.”

“I’m coming.”

And I do, I do say those words.

But you make no motion, no action, to tell me that you heard me.

So I grab the rope hanging by my side and toss it down to you, holding the other end so that I could pull you up.

But.

The rope is too short.

So i tie the rope around my waist and tie the other end to the metal rod attached to the well

And i slowly lower myself down.

As i get closer to you I’m slowly being filled with hope.

I can actually save you

But when I reach the end and I call your name to reach my hand…

You shake your head.

That’s how I feel.

So close to helping you

yet you don’t want me to.

I want to help you. I want to be with you when you feel like this. 

I don’t care if it brings me down. At least we are together.

So please…let me come close.

Let me hold you.

Let me protect you,

Let me comfort you.

Allow me to love you fully.