Favour

I want to ask you a favour.
Even though I am positively sure you will say no
I still want to try to ask you this favour.
Who knows, you might allow me this time.
I want to ask you
If tonight, I can be idiotic.
I want to be an Idiot,
an Idiotic loser
that can’t stop himself from being an idiotic loser
What I want for tonight is my head throbbing
and the pain in my growling stomach
to not stop.
To go on even as I fall asleep
Without the assurance that I will wake up tomorrow.
What I want for tonight is a trail of blood
running down my arms
dripping to the bathroom tiles
and the blade in my other hand covered in red.
What I want for tonight is to fall asleep knowing I won’t wake up tomorrow.
Because honestly,
Whats there to look forward to now?
/Everyone wants to die. Its so fucking obvious. Why not join them/
Just as Bonnie Parker said in her poem,
“Dying ain’t so bad.
Not if we both go together…”
Dying is not so bad
when you die with the people you love.
So now I’m going to join the club.
I’ll stop fighting.
I’ll stop trying.
I’ll just give up.

That’s my favour.
Please allow me to give up.

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