A Sort of Suicide Note.

To whoever is reading this,

This letter is a just in case letter.
A type of letter that is just for emergencies.
A letter that’s just for — in the case of — me leaving.
Me dead.

See, I’ve taken so many beatings lately that it is very hard for me to breathe now.
My ribs have collapsed on my lungs and my heart has been shattered too many times.
My lungs can’t expand as they used to.
My heart beats are irregular.
My hands shake.
My legs give up.

…I’m giving up.

I’m tired of all the beatings I’ve taken.
From strangers,
from my family,
from them,
from the universe.
I’m just incredibly tired
that I sleep early now
Not caring about the nightmares that I know will wake me up in the middle of the night.

I sleep early because for a moment,
just for a moment at least
I don’t feel any pain
Any lingering sadness
I don’t hear their screams of anger
I don’t listen to my thoughts of self hatred.

I do hate myself you know.
I really do.
I hate the way I am.
I’m an asshole.
I really am.

So there,
I’m just really, incredibly tired.
I want to sleep forever.
And this letter is an explanation for the people who do not understand why I left.

I hope its sufficient.

Sincerely,
Lia.

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