Entry #24

It hurts so much I can’t handle it anymore.

Im so tired of pretending that nothing is wrong in the day. Just so tired.

And at night, when I talk to any of you it usually ends up with me crying myself to sleep.

I’m don’t think Im myself anymore.

Myself is too beaten up.

But

You see everyone are in these groups.

Even I’m in a group.

But the problem is that this group I’m in?

I’m not really in it.

I’m on probation.

I’m in a group where they refuse to tell me what my Initiation ritual would be.

They keep me because I’m just an obligation now.

I’m an obligation.

But when I’m with you that changes.

I don’t become an obligation.

Because when I detach myself from that group and go to you…I feel wanted.

And I haven’t felt that in a long time.

So forgive me, this is quite new to me.

I’m confusing, I know.

I’m hard to convince, I know.

Forgive me.

Please don’t give up on me.

I hope you see that I am trying.