Paintings

Ever single day

I feel the backs of my eyes burn

I feel the lump on my throat

The muscles in my hands as I clench them

I shake my legs, trying to find comfort in the pattern that it makes.

Every single day

I feel the hot searing sting of what could have been.

 

One.

I know I shouldn’t feel this pain but I can’t help it.

If you’ve been waiting for something

Aiming for that one childhood dream your whole life

And you didn’t get it…

You won’t be able to stop the waves of pain that washes over you every day.

You won’t be able to stop the nagging voice in your head

That puts you down even more.

You won’t be able to stop yourself from letting the tears fall.

 

Two.

I don’t believe in God.

But when I failed myself I screamed at Him.

I let my anger flow as I prayed to him.

I shouted another hateful word after the other.

My prayer became a string of cursed anger at a being I believed wasn’t there.

It was as if I was shouting into the mirror.

Because in reality I was just really shouting

Cursing

Blaming

Myself.

 

Three.

I have become a blood red painting.

And my title is

What has now become.

 

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Dear Cupid

Dear Cupid

When Love comes

I want her to be single – yes because the past years you’ve been a dick and gave me people who are taken.

I want her to have chocolate brown eyes that make me hunger.

I want her to have a voice that can sing me to sleep at night.

I want her to have a smile that could make any day

Into a wonderful one,

No matter what my parents screamed at me this time.

Because her smile would be worth it

I want her to have the hands that will fit mine perfectly

And it would be like holding the hand of someone you’ve known since you were a kid.

I want her to be able to make me laugh,

Without much of an effort

Because that would be the best kind

I want that when the first time I meet her I would know exactly at that moment that she is Love.

I want that she would be mine forever,

Just like in the books.

 

Dear Cupid

Thank you for giving me Love.

Though you seemed to have not done some of the things on my list

Like how I would know from the moment we met;

Because I honestly didn’t know until 3 years

And she didn’t know until 5

Like how her eyes were gray like a storm

Instead of brown like chocolate

Like how her voice, though sweet to my ear isn’t exactly melodic

Like how her jokes just make me want to face palm.

She is

Thank you.

 

Dear Cupid

Why are you making us fight?

Is this to test our Love

Because from what I have learned from the past

Love is a fragile thing.

It can be broken; because Love is an illusion.

You made it so.

So why?

 

Dear Cupid

I thought you gave me Love.

Why did you have to take your gift away?

 

Dear Cupid

Another thing you didn’t take into account from my list.

That she would be mine forever.

Though thank you for teaching me

That it will never be like the Books.

 

Dear Cupid

…I met someone