Entry #15

I’ll wait for you.

No matter how long it takes.

I’ll wait for you to come back to me.

Because I love you.

And I want to.

Come back to me unscarred and unharmed please.

I’ll see you.

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What It Means To Have A Voice In Your Head

I’m happy.

No you’re not.

I’m trying to be.

And failing

Shut up at least I’m trying.

You can’t shut me out. I’m here to stay, No matter how much meds they prescribe to you. I’ll be here taunting you.

Please shut up please.

Nope. You should leave everyone. You should go jump off a cliff or something. You should cut your veins open. Because here you are soaking up the things these people give to you when

you

don’t

fucking

deserve

them.

….I know.

then jump.

I will.

and I’ll watch.

Unspoken Teachings

Everything I know right now were taught to me by different people in my life.

But not a single one of them were said to me out loud.

All were said in the tiny fidgets of their eyes,

The smallest shift in their moods,

The silence of their heartbeats,

The stories that rolled off their tongue

They never said any of their teachings. They showed it to me

Accidentally

Unknowingly

Unwillingly.

One,

Family.

Your family is not those people whose blood runs through your veins

But of those people whose pieces of you you’ve given to.

And until now those pieces are not broken.

Maybe slightly cracked, bent, crumpled

But not broken.

Because we can’t avoid a little bump here and then

But we can avoid a push off a 100 story building.

Two,

Love.

It is not for the people who have fallen into the clutches of control.

Because love, is a free anything.

A free soldier who does not take orders,

A free dancer who dance spontaneously,

Love is unpredictable.

Unpredictable in the sense you will never know where they will go:

Left

Right

Front

Backwards

In a circle

Love is unpredictable.

Will Love stop? Or go on?

Skip or run?

Walk or fall?

Three,

This one I learned through my own ways.

I learned not to be scared of the monsters in the dark

Or under the bed

Or in my closet

But I should be wary of the monsters at the end of the rainbow.Unspoken

Three,

This one I learned through my own ways.

I learned not to be scared of the monsters in the dark

Or under the bed

Or in my closet

But I should be wary of the monsters at the end of the rainbow.

“Your loser”

Honestly when you said those words I laughed because

One,

They were corny as hell.

And Two,

I was shocked.

You gave me keys to a locked door that I thought you would never even think of handing the keys to me.You gave me a bandaid to stop the flow of uncertainness and confusion.

You gave me a chance.

And that is something people rarely give.

And I am honestly honored that you have chosen me

Me.

Of all the fucking people

Me.

I know you are a mess right now

and so am I.

And I’m not planning to fix you, because no one knows how to fix someone and no one should plan to fix someone because it is not their choice to make.

But anyway.

Both of us, we’re messes of two different but similar kinds.

Two different reasons, similar effects.

Maybe we can help each other, maybe we’ll make each other worse.

But honestly, I’d regret too if we didn’t at least try.

So there.

But I just want you to be sure of course.

So here’s a week.

Be sure.

I never

ever

want you to regret.

Blue Vs. Yellow.

My heart is of the colour Blue.

But as I look in the mirror my clothes, my skin, my hair is of the colour Yellow.

No matter what I do,

No matter how much dye I buy

or paint

And splash it on my hair, skin, and clothes

I’m still Yellow.

I want to be Blue. Ever since I was a kind I wanted to be Blue.

But the Blue never accepted me.

And the Yellow tolerates me.