The Foundation

We built our story on quicksand.

It looked so stable

But it wasn’t.

 

It wasn’t my job to fix you,

And it wasn’t your job to fix me.

 

Our brokenness are our own responsibilities,

not each others.

 

I had to learn all this the hard way.

FRIENDS

Friends are there to be your pillow when your eyes get too heavy.
They are there to be a couch when you feel extra lazy on a Monday morning.
They are your jacket lender, food providers, reminders and your alarm clocks.

Friends are made to be rant collectors.
Someone who can listen to your rants as though they were sponges.
Soaking up all your words and releasing them by being hugged by you
(As a thank you for listening)

They are bullshit detectors.
Trained like dogs, they can smell your bullshit from miles away.
You can’t get pass them.
They are the opposite of mall guards.
You can’t cheat on them without them knowing.
However, you can always have them as cheat mates.

They are gossip whisperers.
They are your bad ideas
But mostly your good ideas.
They are your palette cleansers when you need to start anew.
When you need to get punched in the face,
Friends will punch you with their words from their real talk speech.

Friends break your bad habits
And start your good habits.

There’s this idea that the reason why you become your friends is because when you breathe out, you release a part of your soul. When you breathe in, you get a part of your friend’s soul.
Friends are your own personal Charles Xavier.
They know what you are thinking even before you say it.
They know how you are feeling, because they feel it too.

Friends are tear catchers, hug givers, and nap buddies.
They are your personal rest sign when you get too tired driving on the road.
They are the nets that catch you when you fall from your high moments,
And they are the trampolines to propel you away from the dark moments.

They are your inspirations,
Your muses for
Poems,
Songs,
And stories.

Friends.
The wish you never asked for
But the only dream that came true.

My Love, The Moon

If I get a child, I would teach them how to love the moon,

As the moon loves her children

As the moon loves her guardians, the stars

If I get a child, I would teach them how to shine as the moon does,

Not as bright as the Sun but as important.

Not as dim as the stars but just as special.

If I get a child, I would teach them how to be a selenophile

Loving the moon with all their heart,

Loving the moon as I love Her.

 

If my child would ever have a rough day,

Because the kids at school are being bullies,

Or because the teachers were too unforgiving,

Or because the sun was just beating down on them too much,

I would tell them to wait until the night has come.

I would tell them not to wish on a falling star but rather the moon.

Wish to the moon all your love, and share it with her.

For as she reflects the sun’s ray,

She will reflect you love’s waves

And project upon the world that is too cruel to go unnoticed.

 

If my child would think of themselves alone,

I would tell them to wait until night has come.

I would tell them to once again look up at the moon,

For someone out there is reflecting their love upon her,

And when you feel the love radiating from her,

My child, you will never feel alone.

 

If my child were to get married one day,

And she decides to have her love pronounced by the moon.

I would tell her to go ahead, have your wedding at night.

For the moon, will walk her down the aisle with me,

Her shine will be intoxicating,

Her glow astounding,

As she was and always will be

 

If my child were to see me on my death bed,

I would want to her to know that she, the moon, is here with me.

Ready to make me a star.

And that she would never fret,

For the moon will always guide her way through the darkest of nights,

As she has always for me

What I Sacrificed

I don’t know what else I can lay down at your feet.

I have given you all of me.

There’s nothing left of me to give.

So please. I beg of you.

Be careful with what i have given you.

For my essence is all with you.

Fool’s Errand

Loyalty, Love, Equality.

All of these I fight for.

And all of these makes me a think I’m doing a Fool’s Errand.

For these three are the epitome of foolishness once made into action.

Loyalty. Once done, Ten times stabbed in the back.

Love. Once done, Blood shed.

Equality. The one thing that will never be achieved.

Yet I fight for all of these to be not a Fool’s Errand anymore.

As to why,

Ask my heart.

 

(This might be edited later)

Dick Move

Writing poetry is a dick move.

It decorates its stanzas with heaven’s perfume.

It uses flowery words to hide the author’s pain when all they need is to let it out

Sure the author is letting it out in a discrete way but he or she needs to let it out in its truest and most raw form.

But I ask myself why I still put make up on my words

My lips stop moving.

I am all talk but no action here.

Because in truth. I use these flowered words to cower behind.

Because we authors are cowards

We rather decorate our world with mystery and fantasy rather than face our fears in its raw form.

Oh, you went through a break up? Say it like this:

“I was the glass mirror she shattered with her fist”

You have a mental illness? Say it like this:

“These are not demons. These are sirens. Calling out to me to find them.”

You are in love? Say it like this:

“Cupid must have shot his arrow through my heart once more today.”

 

This is how we hide.

This is the truth behind poetry.

Poetry is the only way authors can hide without really hiding.

And this is why it is a sort of drug.

Some sort of heavenly outlet

It must be heavenly because it’s better than suicide.

…Right?

 

So we will not stop.

Because this is the only way we know how to bring up our feelings.

This is the only way we know how to relate to people like you.

Our audience.

 

Poetry is a haven for dicks like me.

Poetry protects me,

Gives me sanity.

And I am sure,

If you try it

It will give you sanity too.

 

Im sorry

I feel like I destroyed a precious thing we had.

I feel like I can never pretend it didn’t happen.

Im tired of being a disappointment.

 

1.13.2017

It feels like we are slipping away each day.

Love

You would think that Love would make you happy all the time.

Love would shower you with faith, trust and pixie dust and help you fly up

Up

Up into the sky.

You would think Love is all fun and games.

You would think Love is someone so totally expected when in truth…

Love is not.

Love is not expected at all.

Love is not that person with a charming aura and fancy cars.

Love is that person with a not so prominent aura there at the backseat of your car on a road trip with friends and friends’ friends.

Love is not fun, it could be. But not all the time.

Love is a game of truth or dare.

Because you always have to say the truth to Love and make yourself a dare for Love

Love is not tinkerbell.

Nor is Love Peter Pan.

Love is the Stars; you don’t see them but you know they are there.

You trust them not to fall on you.

And stardust, as we all know, doesn’t make you fly.

 

However, Love is real.

And reality is better than Neverland

In Neverland, nothing grows.

Not the people, Not the Trees, Not the Mountains, Not the sea.

In reality, everything grows.

The trees, The ocean, The People,

Even Love itself, grows.

Love grows more and more in love with you each day.

 

Yes, Love makes mistakes,

Yes, Love is unstable,

Yes, You may be hurt by Love and You will hurt Love back.

But.

Love wont leave. Love won’t give up.

And You won’t give up too.

 

Love is worth it.

Make sure Love knows that.

Because sometimes Love forgets its meaning.

So it is our job to make sure Love knows.

Love knows that it is worth it.

Love is worth anything.

Worth going to jail,

Worth sneaking around,

Worth all the pain

Worth all the waiting

Love is worth it.

 

 

 

To My Best Friend in High School

I understand why you had to go.
We were toxic to one another already.
We couldnt stand each other,
We were just breaking each other.
But what i dont understand is why you thought i was drama.
Why am i drama?
Because i am a burden?
Do you know how many times a day im reminded by how much of a burden i am?
The sirens of my mind have already done that.
But you.
You tried to silence them once before.
Telling me im not a burden, that i never will be.
Then when you said you didnt need drama in your life so we called it quits is just pure bullshit.
Tell me.
What made you change your mind?
My neediness?
My sensitivity?
My clinginess?
My absolute longing for someone to reassure me that there are still good things in the world?
My constant deppressive and anxiety attacks?
Tell me.
Is it the latter?
Because i will not fucking say sorry for having attacks.
I will not say sorry for what i have and what i have to deal with.
I will not say sorry for my demons and how much they inconvienced you.

You never loved me.
Im sure of that now.
You never loved me.
Never.
Dont you dare say that you did.
Because you’ll be bulshitting yourself and me.
Not that you care about me.

Dont use the “i changed” card too.
Fuck you i changed and i still love you.
Yes. Until now.
Until now even if i am cursing you.
I still love you.
And you left me broken.
While you go frolick with the friends you used to tell me were plastic.
“I remember that it hurt. Looking at her hurt”
Never did i even think that this line from my favorite movie would be about you.

I must be so fucked up

Because I keep pushing the people I love away

Instead of keeping them close to me